Wed. Oct.26 Matt

Hand cast is gone and Matt can now walk on that funny black boot. Probably one more trip to wound clinic for fixups. Therapy family meeting went well. I am beginning to think like Matt. They sit there and say how wonderful he did on all the tests,etc. Showing definate improvement, etc. But...low and behold, a few more sessions and he will be at the top of his game. I thought he was there already. Are they really keeping him in therapy for the money?

Wed. Oct 19 One Month Update

One month, its been one month. Unbelievable. Not sure if it seems like so much longer or if it was just yesterday the world tilted on its axis.

Matt is progressing. He just seems so tired. Six hours of therapy a day will do that to you. At this stage, mmentally Matt is nothing like I expected, thank goodness. He is calmer, and not frantic. At one point, I thought that was what Matt would be like that for the rest of his life. Thank God, its nothing like that. My biggest worry is he is pushing himself so hard.

From what I understand about brain injuries is it can still all change. Right now, I feel I have the old Matt back. I don't see much difference in him other than the broken leg, the broken hand, the trouble he has with chest and back pain, the effort it takes to get around by walker or wheelchair, the visits to the wound clinic for unhealing sores, all the trips to therapy, trips for blood work. Yea, life has changed for all of us.

Its a big week of tests for him. When we discuss the therapy tests they are giving him, I can assure you, even a normal person wouldn't pass them. He is doing well but the tests just sound outrageous. Today and Friday will be a major days for Matt so keep him in your thoughts.

It's hardly worth writing on the blog when there is nothing new but I will keep posting updates periodically.

Thur. Oct 13 Matt update.

Matt may be out of the hospital but there is so much to do with the different doctor appoints and therapies. We are on the road a lot!

His therapy on Wednesday was a far cry from the attention he was getting from the therapists at the hospital. Their take on Matt's condition was totally different. One of them went so far to tell Matt he was surprised he wasn't already back to work, at least part time, because he had progressed so far so quickly and seemed so normal. They all agreed the reports they received from the hospital, they thought Matt would be in far worse condition.

I am looking forward to his sessions on Friday. Matt feels he will get some real answers about what is really ahead for him in the immediate future.

Tuesday, Oct 11 Matt's home

MATT'S HOME! Right now, its like the same old Matt. He finally got his new cell phone and is receiving calls. He is thrilled with having a phone again. He's sacked out watching TV.

After I picked him up from the hospital, we ran a few errands like getting his medications and he found getting around with the walker was more of a challenge than he thought it would be. My wonderful neighbors borrowed a wheelchair to make his outings easier. Thank you, thank you.

Tomorrow he has therapy and we have to run a few errands to locate necessary paperwork to file on the medical bills.

He is tired but settling in. Its like the flip side to how he was in the hospital. If it could just stay like this.....

Monday, Sept 10

Just got back from the hospital. Matt will be released tomorrow. I should be thrilled, I know he is, but he was so anxious again tonight. His mind races. Sadly, Matt does not recognize that he has a TBI. This kid can rationalize about everything and why he is the sane one and everyone else isn't.

He is upset that at the hospital he was not allowed cruise the hallway in his wheelchair. Once he gets home, it will be about the same. He cannot go up and down stairs, he can't put weight on his leg, the restrictions go on and on. I know he will still have the same anxieties, fears, concerns, whatever you want to call it.

This is going to be a massive change in our household. I appreciated all the friends who took the time to visit Matt in the hospital but am asking for no visitors at home for at least a week.  We will be coming to South Bend at least three times a week for therapy and Matt will be exhausted. We need to come up with a routine and I don't really want visitors. If you feel the need to come, I ask that you call first. That is a must.

Once we get our act together, I have no problem making arrangements for Matt to spend some time with friends. He gets a new cell phone tomorrow so he will be easy to contact.

I think I too am in denial of just how serious this is. It is overwhelming to try to rationalize with Matt or try to point out a different point of view when it comes to his medical condition. He wants to drive. He can't. He wants to work. He can't. He wants not to have to answer to anyone. He can't. For all the things he can't do, I am having a difficult time coming up with something he can do or would even want to do. I am open to suggestions.

Back to baseball analogies....The game is just beginning and all we seem to hit are foul balls.

Saturday Oct 8

I took Matt out to dinner yesterday at  Lonestar. He was very quiet, something he hasn't been here lately. He seemed depressed. Today, his dad and I went up with the idea of taking him out to dinner, an opportunity to get out again, but he was too tired, in pain and very sleepy. He took a long nap while we were there and worry he won't sleep tonight.

I was trying to pin down the hospital on the plan of therapy once he was released.  No straight answers available. Not sure if we are talking weeks, months, etc. Matt has shown definite progress. He still is under the impression he will be returning to work next week (wishful thinking on his part) but according to the nurses, it will be at least six weeks.

One thing is for certain, for a year, he is to have no alcohol, no smoking and no drugs. I would appreciate the help of his friends to police him. That's unfair of me but it doesn't hurt to ask.

I don't know how to respond to comments

I have had some encouraging posts and comments to my blog. I appreciate the notes but for the life of me, I cannot figure out how to answer a post. Seems like they want you to sign your life away to do this so I will just say thank you to all. Your comments have touched my heart.

Oct.6, Thursday

The bad thing about a traumatic brain injury is you can't see it. On TV, a person with a coma or concussion,  wake up alert and go on with everyday life. Not with a brain injury. It isn't something you can physically see but Matt's friends are finally able to see the symptoms of this TBI and are beginning to understand. Matt is the same guy but different.

We had our meeting with the medical staff yesterday. I think there was a total of seven doctors, therapists, etc. They went around the table and explained what each was doing to help and assess Matt. Everyone agreed that Matt is charismatic, personable, etc. (Mom flashback..When Eric, Matt's oldest brother, was in second grade, he was having trouble reading so I can remember talking with his teachers and them saying the saying the same thing, He is so nice, sweet, cooperative but oh yeah, he can't read. They never mentioned the reading until I brought it up.I immediately got him a tutor and I was furious that they hadn't address the problem sooner.) I felt that way in this meeting because no one was addressing his nonstop talking, his frantic emotions, his reasoning, his memory loss.

I know that all the tests they give him are driving the kid nuts. They sited a person with a without a brain injury should be able to put a puzzle together in 5 minutes, it took Matt 20. I watched Matt in one session duplicate a playing card that was turned into frog. He did this in record time. There are numerous number or word memorization exercises.  Many of these, I know I couldn't accomplish and am beginning to wonder if I at some point had a TBI!! I want to say these are some of the stupidest exercises I have ever seen but I know in my heart that these help to evaluate mood, frustration, thinking process, coordination, etc. But it is zipping Matt off the deep end.

Matt is demanding proof of a brain injury. He wants tangible evidence that he has a TBI. "Can't show him anything" so how can they be sure? He feels the hospital is keeping him to make money to support the hospital and keep it working.  Now he sounds crazy but for what its worth, in Matt's mind, this is his line of thinking and for as bazaar as that sounds, his verbal rationalisation makes perfect sense but it's the brain injury talking, not someone who is being kept there against their will for no good reason.

As it stands now, Matt will be discharged next Wednesday. Some of my concerns were all the stimulation of TV, phone and visitors and was surprised that the doctor felt this was good for Matt. She said he was high functioning and needed the stimulation. Personally, Matt is high maintenance and wants to be entertained 24/7 but I am just his mother. That is what scares me about coming home, his boredom. He will continue to go to the hospital for outpatient therapy of all kinds on a daily basis in the beginning so  if someone wants to meet for coffee and a visit, I can make that happen, just call.

Matt is frantic about his job and it is going to be difficult to keep him calmed down so wish me luck.

Matt's "patters" on and on and I feel I am doing the same but figure as the "Mom" I can do that. I want to quote something at the end of an article I was reading.

Bottom line, loving someone's a heck of a lot of work, can be painful and thankless sometimes,

requires us to put our own needs aside and certainly not all hearts in our eyes.

But if someone else does that for us when we're in need, because they in turn love us...well, then its all worth it, isn't it? 

I think that Matt has so many loving friends who have given so much of themselves to do whatever they can for Matt that I pray my son is as loving friend to them when the time comes, no, not just when the time comes but everyday.  May this be the worse thing any of us have to deal with.

Tuesday Oct 4.

Meeting moved to tomorrow.

Sunday, Oct 2 Matt Update

I did not go to the hospital today. Travis, Matt's younger brother spent the day. According to Travis, Matt had a lot of visitors. I appreciated the day off.
Therapy kicks into high gear tomorrow and I appreciate people giving Matt a break and let him get into his new routine and give him time to rest and heal.

Tomorrow is going to be a long day for all of us. Travis leaves tomorrows, Tuesday we have a meeting with the staff about Matt.

Matt is still trying to break out. His friends have spent a few nights which has been major help to me.  Apparently Matt wakes up confused and tryes to get out of bed, a big no no.

We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Quick note on Oct.1

I had a question on one of the comments on the blog. I could not figure out how to post an answer! You had to pick a profile, what is that?

The question was if Matt remembers the accident. People have told him their versions of what they heard in the way of accident and I have heard him repeat that but I don't believe he has much memory of it other than what was told to him.

Saturday Oct 1

Matt is still determined to break out of the hospital. He has decided the place has made him claustrophobic. He was saying if the hospital has made him claustrophobic, and, because he was not claustrophobic before the accident, that alone should give him the right to leave RIGHT NOW!  Leaving the hospital is one subject that he can give a list of reasons why he should be allowed to leave and yet an hour later, he does not remember even talking about it.

He is constantly trying to negotiate even the littlest break from the place. Maybe just a quick trip outside for a breath of fresh air, a quick trip up and and down in the elevator, or to swearing if they let him leave, he promises to be back for therapy. Matt is DEFINATELY not allowed to leave the floor for any reason but he can't help but try and does this a lot all day long.

He is very frustrated by the nursing staff. Every time a nurse, aid or tech comes in, they ask his name, birthday, if he knows where he is, etc. He has gotten to the point that when someone walks in the room, he automatically lists all this information off. Don't laugh, they do this to him all day long. I explained to him that this is the way the nursing staff can assess his condition. They don't just look for the correct information but the way his says it and his attitude at the time. Now this is where Matt is getting himself into trouble. The sarcastic Matt is rearing his head and butting it with the nurses and they are not happy. Trying to explain to the nurses that he was, to some degree, like this BEFORE the accident, frustrates them even more.

The nurses aren't too happy with the "charming" Matt either. I know Matt was personable and friendly before but he is even more so if you can believe it, and it is just short of obnoxious. Na, not just short, its downright annoying.

It does not help that the nurses use "therapeutic conversation" when they speak to Matt. This normally pushes him over the deep end. My sisters may have completed their years of nursing training but I only survived four months of mine and that is one of the first thing they teach a nursing student, how to talk to a patient.  In Matt's case, he is affronted by the tone, objects to being talked down to, etc. Today, a nurse was talking very loud and was bent over his wheelchair talking to him face to face AND I wanted to step in. I was waiting for Matt to get really pissed off but instead, he has begun talking back to them by recapping everything they have said to him and then adding, "but if you look at this from MY prospective.........". Yep, not endearing himself to the staff.

What is sad is all these things point to a traumatic brain injury.  Matt had numerous visitors today and I asked a few if they could tell the difference of the 'before and after' Matt. Everyone said that he seemed a little more hyper, but pretty normal. Even his Dad and visiting brother from California agreed. As the MOTHER, I could see many instances where Matt's thinking is impaired or his judgement is not on track.

Matt has said a few things that are not right and hurt my feelings.  My sisters explained that I too have to realize that it is the brain talking, not Matt. I find it hard to accept sometimes and worry if he has said anything to hurt anyones feelings that they too have to accept that this is his brain trama is affecting his actions or reactions to whatever is going on at that time.

Remember, no visitors before 4:30 during the week. As normal as he may seem to everyone, he needs time to recoperate and I would appreciate limiting your visiting time.